OK, so I hung back on putting this out, just in case it was too 'out there'!
It's about how when we connect to our purpose and clear stuff out the way, our purpose can just express itself through creative action... without having to project plan or create 'to do' lists or get into 'analysis paralysis'.
And please do make use of the comments section below for your questions and contributions!
Purpose. Many people believe that for our lives to be fulfilling and meaningful we must 'find our purpose'.
Now, without question, living life 'on purpose' is a wonderful and fulfilling thing, but the idea that our purpose is something that pre-exists for us to find somewhere can very often be toxic and undermining.
This morning I received an email from a subscriber to this blog concerning just this. The dialogue below comprises some parts of that email along with some perspectives I think are worth sharing on the topic.
"My problem is that I've been out of work for almost fifteen months now. I know I want to get a job and I know I can make a big contribution but I haven't really been able to work out what I want to do despite putting hours and hours into the process. I know I want a job but don't know what I want to do and don't know how how to get there."
If you can't work out what you want to do, it simply means you don't want to do any of the things you have considered. The question is 'why?' Or, more specifically, 'what is it that is stopping you wanting to do any of those things?' In truth there are lots of things you could do well right now, so what are the stories that you are telling yourself that are getting in the way.
Are they stories about self worth?
Are they stories that have you believe this is a big decision?
Are they stories about having to 'get it right' otherwise inevitable disaster ensues?
What are the stories?
Oftentimes in life, choosing and moving and taking action are more important and empowering than making the 'right' or 'best' (or 'perfect') choice. Action and movement beats inaction and inertia, whatever the quality, because you can only steer something once it's moving. Take action and course correct as you go.
David Deida has said "life is really just the correction of one mistake into the next" that can sound grim to some, so I'm going to change it up.
"Life is just the steering from one exploration or adventure into another."
Before training as an NLP trainer I took a job as an assistant project manager in local government. There was nothing inspiring about it. Nothing that suggested that it was aligned with my purpose (which was ill formed at best at the time). But I did it anyway and I did it with a vow to make the very best of it FOR ME and to learn whatever I could from it. It was there I met the person who hooked me up with the people with whom I originally studied NLP.
That is one example of many I could give you as to how 'less than desirable' jobs and compromises have lead to life shaping opportunity.
"It might be an excuse but I think part of the problem (or at least my internal reasoning) for not finding a job so far is that I have a sense of being here for a purpose but I don't know what that is."
The only purpose you are here for is the purpose you actively create. If you haven't created and shaped your purpose yet, you don't have one!
Living life 'on purpose' is about stepping into your power to define your own mission... NOT waiting passively for some 'calling' (that is the opposite - reactive living, not purposeful living).
So how are you keeping yourself from stepping into your creativity and having some fun creating your purpose?
Most people do it by having a crappy self image filled with definitions about what they are not capable of and what is not possible or what is not right for them. The crappy self image is based upon who they grew up thinking they are.
So, forget the past - create what you want afresh NOW!
"I'm not religious so this is probably about working out what shaped hole would suit a 'me like' peg, but I do have the sense that if I knew why I was here, finding a way of doing that would be so much easier."
Carve out your own hole, or re-shape yourself, or both. Get active. Get creative. Nobody is coming to bring you the ideal circumstances or the perfect fit or a mission or a life purpose. YOU are the only one with the power - switch it on, get creating and get creative.
"As it is I'm just doing a scatter gun approach for anything that I'm vaguely qualified for, wasting my time and my life and getting nowhere."
Then it is time to stop wasting time SEARCHING and get focused on CREATING. start by clearing some time and a space in your brain for creating the first draft of the blueprint of the lifestyle you want. Clear away the bullshit stories about what is possible or practical... Just for NOW get into the land of fantasy and DREAM. This is the ONLY way to start getting in touch with passion and purpose. Of course, the 'realist' and the 'critic' will try and jump in and ruin your quality dreaming time, but kick them out (their time to contribute will come).
And you don't need to do this in isolation. You can be taking action now by taking any work that gets you engaging with the world, and approach it with the mind to make the most of it from a developmental perspective WHILST at the same time engaging in the iterative process of creating and shaping your purpose.
Nothing exists before it is created, and that includes 'purpose', so the only way OUR purpose can come to exist is when WE create it. Don't wait, create.
Having been involved with NLP, Hypnosis and Personal Development in various forms for a number of years now, it has been fascinating for me to meet so many people who have made made phenomenal changes in their lives... as well as those who seem to be 'struggling' and claim that they haven't.
This talk was given for Interesting Talks London early in 2013 on a topic that I am still exploring and developing (and no doubt will be for many years to come). Stay focussed on this blog and this Youtube channel to discover new perspectives and the latest developments.
httpv://youtu.be/hYOKVcBiOZ0
And if you have any questions you would like to ask (or feedback you would like to give) please do make use of the comment section below!
P.S. If you have come here from the Hypnosis Without Trance list, please do make sure you sign up for future updates from this blog if you want them (otherwise you'll never know what's happening here!) LOOK >>>>>>>>>
P.P.S. If you are interested in making profound changes in your life, you may be interested in the forthcoming Reality ShaperTransformative Coaching and Mentoring Programme.
P.P.P.S. And please ‘LIKE’ ↓↓↓↓↓ this and share it if you have any FB friends who would benefit from this info!
This video was originally created for Hypnosis Without Trance. It is about how we, as organisms, actively shape our reality... how we literally live our lives through a self-hypnotically created veil.
If the subject of 'hypnosis' is a bit far out for you... well it is far out! And it is something that is woven into the fabric of our everyday experience (or maybe, more accurately, it is part of the the loom that creates the fabric of everyday experience) Anyhows, if it helps, just take it as a metaphor :-D
httpv://youtu.be/WswQuAG9cfQ
And please do comment and ask any questions you may have!
A cage fighting Facebook friend posted this on his wall this morning:
"As an adult change in real terms is almost impossible (no matter what one type of therapy or another tells you) , we are all pretty much stuck with who we are. Not great when your a psychopath, but we all have our own cross to bear."
I disagreed strongly of course (because I know it to be untrue), but it got me thinking...
One thing that is patently clear to me as both a self-changer and professional change consultant is that some things are clearly easier to change than others. One way of looking at this is to think of it in terms of character versus simple behaviours and responses, so for example a phobia is often a simple and specific response, whereas generalised anxiety is, well... generalised! And can seem to be part of a persons overall character and is therefor somehow more 'embedded'.
The trouble, however, with this explanation is that it explains away more than it explains! Because what is character anyway, beyond the overall collection of our patterns of behaviour (or habits of being) and response?
And this is the key! We are collections of interdependent patterns and so each individual pattern never really functions independently of our other patterns. The form pattern webs if you like, and some patterns are more bonded into the web than others.
So how does this help us understand change?
On a most basic level, a pattern (and I'm including the semantic structures that underpin it) is essentially easy to change so long as the person is sufficiently motivated to change it AND it is independent enough from other patterns (not too deeply integrated into the pattern web). The trouble is, however, that many of the patterns that people ARE motivated to change are held in place by patterns that they are NOT motivated to change (or are motivated to retain). And to make things trickier still, they are most often unable (or sometimes just unwilling) to see the connections between what they are motivated to change and what they are not (or are motivated not to).
One of the biggest barriers to change is attempting to separate off the pattern-to-be-changed from the rest of the system. The way this most obviously manifests itself is in in the pattern of...
"I want to change things about my life, but I don't want to change anything about who I am, how I do life or how I make sense of the world"
A desire for change without a desire to change (at least, in any significant way).
For this reason, I believe one of the greatest catalysts for change is the willingness to change. When a person becomes willing to change at the level of how they do life and their way of being in the world, then small changes that were once hard suddenly become easy.
So… I am finally beginning the process of properly focusing this website (about time), and my housekeeping has begun by removing the comments sections from some of the pages (having decided to keep such conversations to the blog area).
In beginning this process, I have came across this question about 'social anxiety'. Paul asked:
"What is your success with social anxiety – I’ve been studying Hypnosis, NLP, and every other modality I can find on the internet for the last 10 years. I am also personally trained in hypnosis under Igor Ledochowski as well as Jeff Stephens, but I am still burdened with social anxiety. What can you offer me? Also – would you recommend your Changework Applications product in order to personally learn the change work to do on myself? I hypnotize myself through recordings on a regular basis. Thanks"
So Paul asked a genuine question, which I felt warranted a genuine reply (and this is about a lot more than just 'social anxiety':
"Hi Paul
I have to say that, for personal reasons, 'social anxiety' is an area of particular interest for me.
What can I offer you? That question is a bit too open and broad to easily answer. The answer could be “nothing” or it could be “a path to being socially comfortable and erudite”, depending on where you are with your willingness to challenge your own assumptions and engage with a process of learning.
One thing I can tell you right off the bat is that you will probably not fix it with one or two quick hypnosis sessions – social anxiety is most often a problem of worldview rather than a simple stimulus-response pattern. To shift it takes many shifts in perspective AND attitude, as well as some skills based work around patterns of interaction.
If you are serious about changing this, PM me and I will arrange for you a discounted coaching/Changework session to give you some of the fundamentals. I am not saying that 1 session will fix the problem, but we can get for you some useful understanding of how your pattern works, along with some highly functional tools and a pathway for getting out of it.
You can PM me on James @ hypnosiswithouttrance.com or Skype me at captaintripp
As I have pointed out before, there are many changework practitioners of different varieties out there promising the magical quick fix. What they often promise is instant transformation right now, but mostly that isn't really how significant change happens (although there can be exceptions).
Yes we can have breakthrough moments, but it is how those breakthrough moments combine and feed forward into our futures to connect to yet more breakthrough moments that matters.
As human beings we are good at learning and change, and - unlike the majority of other known lifeforms - we have the ability to be self-authoring; to lead the process of our own personal evolution!
We have the faculties in place to do this - it is what we are good at!
Change comes from utilising and applying those faculties rather than trying to shortcut them with fancy techniques. And most significant change is the result of engaging in a developmental process - it is the people who get this and apply themselves to it are the ones who get rapid results.
So what of Hypnosis and NLP?
Well there is plenty of good stuff there in the toolkit - the trick is applying it strategically to encourage, develop, support and guide our natural learning and change 'mechanisms', rather than blindly applying 'techniques' and/or giving simplistic suggestions it the hope of bypassing our natural processes.
If you are interested in making some changes in your life and developing yourself - your thinking, your behaviour, your responses - get in touch and we can discuss what it is that you would like to change.
WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS A PERSONAL RANT!
It is no secret that I am endlessly saddened by tales of hypnotists and hypnotherapists mismanaging the expectations of their clients and promising solutions that in all likelyhood they cannot deliver. Over my time as a hypnotist and change practitioner, I have heard enough tales of empty promises and disappointment to compile an anthology!
The sad truth is that many practitioners of hypnosis/hypnotherapy peddle hypnosis as a near miracle cure, and often don't even follow up with clients to find out if their work was any good. This is a real shame, as in the right hands hypnosis can be a wonderful and powerful toolkit for assisting with personal change.
As a DISCLAIMER, I have to admit that I know little about the other hypnotherapist in the tale that follows, so maybe I am making some unfair inferences (all names and identifying details of concerned parties are protected). However, here is the tale from my end:
Recently I was contacted by someone who was having a problem with noisy neighbours and was asking if I could help with hypnosis. As he said to me...
"This noise... causes me considerable stress as there is little I can do about it the , neighbours being uncooperative . I am pretty sure that hypnosis can help in this kind of hypersensitivity to a particuliar form of noise."
Now, with this kind of problem, there are essentially two ways of utilising hypnosis:
1. The Hypnotist/Hypnotherapist performs a 'hypnotic induction' then give a set of suggestions around clearing up the problem.
2. The practitioner explores/uncovers the unconscious patterns that are the basis for the problem and strategically modifies them (and ideally sets up the conditions for the new pattern to evolve and self correct - this stage is almost always neglected, I believe, by most practitioners).
My own approach is somewhere along the lines of the second, even though the first approach offers many 'advantages' - it is simple and often dramatic in it's initial impact, doesn't require much work and doesn't require the practitioner to understand much about people, their patterns and how learning and change works.
The downside is, however, that the 'remedy' rarely lasts!
And that, of course, is a pretty major downside! Now I want to be clear here - a single session of basic 'classic hypnosis' can, given the right conditions, be the catalyst for a life change - but note:
"given the right conditions" and "a catalyst for change".
So if I use it thus, I will only do so when I am certain the conditions are right, and I will strategically emphasise the 'catalyst' frame over the 'passive magic cure' frame that most hypnothearpists seem to operate from.
My reply to this prospective client was as follows:
"Hi X
Hypnosis may well be able to help with that kind of thing in the way that you would like. That said, I am probably not the hypnotist you are looking for as this sort of thing is outside the scope of what I do hypnosis-wise - my specialism is working with people to change habits, behaviours and emotional responses, and I'm pretty strict about sticking to that."
So I turned down the work! Why?
My sense in this case was that the client wanted hypnosis to fix the problem, but the truth is, in this kind of case hypnosis alone can rarely do that. I know this, so I don't take this kind of case (I will only take money from a client if I am as close to certainty as I can get that I can deliver to them what they want).
Now I'm always willing to accept that I could be wrong, so suggested that if he wanted to do the work, he do so with another hypnotist (and I kept my opinions to myself so as not to foul that other hypnotists chances... half of me regrets this), which is exactly what he did (independent, in fact, of any suggestion of mine). And what was the result?
"I did two sessions with (the hypnotherapist) with an interval of four days between each sessions. After the first session I was already astonished by the change in perception of the noise coming from my neighbours in the apartment above us. It was a radical difference to such an extant that I didn't see the point any more of moving out.
The second session was at my request as I wished to consolidate the suggestions of the first session."
All good so far!
"But four days later I started to react to the noise again and became very anxious and depressed. It's worse when you have the impression that the change is not effective. I'm now not sure what to do."
And there it is! So what happened?
The last paragraph alone tells me that expectations were clearly mismanaged here, especially: "It's worse when you have the impression that the change is not effective".
Now, so far as I'm concerned, this is a real botch on the part of this hypnotherapist, because the truth is, the change was effective! The only problem was that the practitioner mismanaged expectations and failed to:
1. Set up the right conditions for change
...and...
2. Provide the appropriate support for the evolution of the change
As such it just died away (how do I know that? "It's worse when you have the impression that the change is not effective" says it all!). And worse than that, in doing so made things worse!
Sadly this is a very, very common thing... but, in fairness, the fault does not really lie with the practitioners! The reality is that they themselves have usually had their expectations mismanaged as to what hypnosis is (most think that it is some kind of special state - it isn't), how it works and what it is capable of and have not really been given a proper understanding of how to set up the conditions for lasting change.
Anyhow... rant over.
Making positive changes to your habits, behaviours and emotional responses is always achievable, and hypnosis can help you to do that when applied with skill and understanding, but beware those out there who would offer you a magic wand or have you passively engage in a miracle cure.
If you know what you want, and you are open minded about getting it, there is always a way forward!
All the very best
James
ADDENDUM:
It has been levelled at me (via private message) that with this 'rant' I am merely engaging in self-aggrandisement at the expense of other practitioners. This is absolutely not at all my intent! This is actually an issue I care deeply about.
I've seen clients deeply upset because they have felt the failure to change meant they can't change, or are a failure at changing (including my own back in the days were I still 'promised the world' as I had been taught to do).
I also have seen one of the most intuitive and effective practitioners I have ever met quit because she couldn't be sure she could always deliver the clients demands, and thought that it must be her failing.
She too was taught she had a magic wand so of course she took the failing upon herself.
And none of this is necessary! There really is no need to mismanage expectations, and I really would like it to stop.
If this comes across as self-aggrandisement then I apologise. It is a sincere caring about something I believe is a real problem.
